honalulu's Weblog

realized today how special of a friendship we have <3

hmrowe — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 05:20:31 +0000

Tonight I realized how special our friendship is. We really do have a special connection that you dont always get with every person you may come in contact with. I love that even after months of not really talking & def not hanging out at all…that when we are together that it feels like nothing has even changed… I love that we fall right back into what it was. So comfortable. So right. I think we were meant to be friends. I dont know if its forever but it was meant to be. Even if we are not this close forever, you have truly showed me what it means to be loved, even tho you dont really show it in the ways I need you to, I still know that I am loved in the way you look at me, the way you make silly faces at me & the way you embrace me in your arms. I really do appreciate God bringing us together & showing me what a great friend you really are and that there are some decent guys left out there in the world. …. I love that we have the kind of friendship where we can sit in a room & just be. We dont need to talk, we dont really need to do anything at all & we still have a good time! We can just sit & watch a movie or a tv show. Or you will just pick up your guitar and play me your newest works in progress or just play around & make some beautifully amazing sound come out of your guitar. I love that you like to share that with me! That we can just sit and enjoy each others company & not have to try to be anything different than ourselves. But I love on the other hand that if we choose we can talk for hours & that we listen to each other! I love that we make each other laugh, sometimes uncontrollably till I have tears rolling down my cheeks! haha! I love that when we are in the car we can blast the music & act a fool! I love that we can sing & laugh while looking like idiots and we dont care if anyone see us! I love that sometimes you will beep your horn and waive to strangers as we pass by I love making you laugh & seeing your genuine smile but I also love when you are open & allow me to see your heart. I love that you care about me in ways no one seems to understand. I love taking photos with you & finding new places to explore. I love that you allow me to explore my dreams & you encourage me to press on. I love that you support me in my passions & I love supporting you in your passions.. I loved seeing you grow over this past year & some months that we have been friends. I love that you let me cry on your shoulder & I love that your hugs make me feel so loved & so safe! Even tho sometimes we take 3 steps rather than 3 steps forward I still wouldnt take back what we have. I would trade it for anything. It may be hard sometimes but I truly believe God has a plan for us. He knows what he is doing & us being friend is just apart of his plans to make us better for him & to grow in relationship with each other but more importantly with him. I know there is a reason why were places into each others life last January. God knows & we just have to trust in him to tell us someday. But I am so thankful that we have something special. =)

one of those days.

hmrowe — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 02:22:13 +0000

Today is one of those days where I needed my friends but they weren’t there in the way I needed them to be. It was just a rough day. I know God is here for me but I just needed someone today. I went to funeral and even though I never met the man who passed away.. his daughter is one of my good friends. So I went to a funeral today. it was a bittersweet time. sad to mourn a little and then sweet because he is with God and not suffering anymore. But he was buried at the same cemetery as my grandpa and it was just a flood of emotions that came over me. I broke down and cried so hard. its been 17 years and I still miss him. He was my favorite and I often wish he could be here for all of my big moments in life.

I also realized that the person I love may never love me back in the same way. I cant make it happen but my heart wishes it would just be a reality. I pray that someday either my heart will find another or he will feel the same for me. My heart is broken.

I always feel like I am taking care of everyone else and I love doing that but today I needed to be taken care of… for someone to listen. and care enough to let me ramble on.

the hug earlier was comforting and its nice to know you will let me cry on your shoulder.

but I needed more. I just needed someone to take the time.

its taking everything within me…

hmrowe — Sun, 30 May 2010 01:05:02 +0000

to not make effort. but its who i am to the core. i cant change that about myself …sometimes i wish i could so life might seem a lil less stressful. i just want to be able to let things go and to just expect less. i have realized its easier that i thought to expect less but to make less effort with people i deeply deeply love and care about is really just excruciating and very difficult. i wish it could just be easier to stand back and watch things slip away but when you invest into a person. sigh.. i just want understanding in all of this.

somehow I want this to work.

hmrowe — Mon, 17 May 2010 03:10:05 +0000

you didnt say hello. you didnt make eye contact. & you didnt say goodbye. I dont know why you are treating me this way. I just dont understand how you can talk to everyone around us but you dont give me the time of day. Its the worst feeling in the world when of you walk into a room and act like I dont exist. Its the worst feeling in the world to know that you care and you tell me how much you care. You tell me that you hate when I am upset and when things are not ok between us but then you treat me like I dont matter. It would be different if we didnt know each, if we didnt spend so much time together over these last months getting to know each and working on things and if we didnt spend hours hanging out but we do, so its not right that you treat me like I dont mean anything to you. It hurts. You are hurting me.

They just don’t realize

hmrowe — Thu, 13 May 2010 18:56:08 +0000

Guys don’t realize that girls can stumble too just as much as they do. Sometimes I feel like guys think they can do whatever they want cause it doesn’t effect girls in anyway. Even if you look at a guy in a brotherly way…YES we can still stumble! So why do you insist on doing the things you do. The sad part is most of the time guys don’t even realize what they are doing in the first place because they do out of action and really not out of thinking of the after effects and then we are left wondering and they just go on forgetting what they have just done (even in a joking way) like 2 seconds earlier! I wish that guys would be more aware of their actions but I suppose such is life! Oyyy!

How can there be someone better?

hmrowe — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 22:42:23 +0000

It weird to think that when something doesnt work out with one person who you admire and care for so much that God could possibly have someone better for you? Someone better? How? Its hard to see how that could possibly ever happen…It makes me ponder who that better more amazing person is that God has for me.

tonight.

hmrowe — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 02:39:55 +0000

I am jealous tonight. I wanted to just tell you but I refrained. My insides are screaming because I just want to know the answers to all my questions. I just want to know so I dont go through this pain again. The pain of possibly being strung along, to just be burned in the end. I dont know what to do. I just dont know what to do. I am torn.

hold.

hmrowe — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 22:32:24 +0000

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

Oh please, say to me
You’ll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You’ll let me hold your hand.
Now let me hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It’s such a feeling that my love
I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide.

Yeah, you’ve got that something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It’s such a feeling that my love
I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide.

Yeh, you’ve got that something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll feel that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

free.

hmrowe — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 03:52:06 +0000

I am pretty content with life right now. No not everything is perfect & things still need to be worked on & molded but I am just content & happy for so many reasons!! =)

only when its convenient.

hmrowe — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 21:49:23 +0000

I hate that we seem to only be friends when we are at church.